Up until about 15 minutes ago my MLK day wasn't anything special. Yeah, I got the day off, which was lovely, but apart from that it was fairly boring and quiet. I've spent most of the day 'trying' to do homework, being bored and procrastinating. The biggest success I've had all day was cooking dinner for myself: goat cheese and pesto pasta with cherry tomatoes and olives ( it was a success by the way) and having a friend over to share my table with. Eating alone sucks, so I try and avoid it at all costs.
The evening got progressively better after me and said friend went to Starbucks for "homework coffee" and I made a connection with 3 strangers.
I've been accused occasionally of being an attention whore ( no, those exact words were not used, but it was implied) and I'd just like to say......it's not true.
Yes, of course once and a while I want people to look at me, but who doesn't crave some attention now and then?! As far as I'm concerned, what differentiates between being an attention whore and just wanting to be noticed is how often it happens, what the persons motives are for doing it and what they're doing.
I do goofy things, a lot, there's no question about it, but I don't do it to say 'look at me, look at me....aren't I so special!' I'm goofy because that's my personality. I like to be playful because it's fun and if I make people laugh then that's just a bonus feature of said goofiness. I don't need people to look at me, I want them to look when I'm in the right mood, in the right place and at right time. Timing, mood and place are everything and if you get it wrong then you just look foolish ( which has happened to me a few times before I figured it out this precise formula)
so...the point: I was standing in line at the Starbucks and I started to sway/dance to the music they were playing. I wasn't even thinking about my actions, I was simply being me and 'me' loves dancing.....pretty much anywhere and anytime. There were 3 women ahead of me, they saw me dancing and joined me! It was fucking awesome. We were strangers to each other, but in that moment....it didn't matter. It was fun and silly and I felt great after it happened. I didn't intend for it to happen, I wasn't deliberately looking for others to look at me ( or join me for that matter) but that's what happened anyways. It was a precious experience, because people are so terrified to be anything outside the box for fear of ridicule....we need those moments of simply not giving a shit, to just be.
So, when the dance ended and the coffee was paid for my friend turned to me and told me she admired me for my ability to do that....to just be and damn the consequences. It's the mostly flattering thing I've heard in a while. I've been told lots of things about who I am and my personality ( some of it good, some not) but rarely does it ever leave me feeling so loved. My friend loves me because I'm me.....I'm not a smoke and mirrors act, there's no woman behind the curtain or a secret door to the 'true' me......my realness is up front and personal. I won't apologize for being me nor will I try to conform to a more 'user friendly' version......
I like to dance ( often in public ) I like to be goofy and make others laugh and I'm quirky and odd, but I'm fucking proud of it. As far as I'm concerned life is too short to be dull. There is nothing more tedious than dullness; rots the brain and irritates my attention span. If you don't like what I present or who I am or what I hold dear than you can kiss my ass.
In conclusion: dancing at Starbucks with random strangers is awesome, dancing in general feels good and pesto goat-cheese pasta with cherry tomatoes and olives is a fucking awesome combination.
cheers my wicked lovelies,
Bps: one of the most important lessons anyone can learn is to be true to themselves, especially when others ask you to change who you are or tell you, you aren't good enough. FUCK THEM: nothing is worse than being fake and living a lie....because that's torture to your soul and the essence of what makes you you
Dance it out, girlfriend!
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