The best term to describe him is ‘ugly beautiful’; despite being worn and tattered there’s still something oddly perfect about him. His floppy body fits perfectly under the crook of my arms and in the curve of my hip. His synthetic fur is a gnarled mess yet surprisingly soft to the touch. I remember seeing the Disney movie Aladdin and being thoroughly jealous that Princess Jasmine had a pet tiger, I wanted one desperately, though unfortunately for me the endangered species list made that a real challenge. However, the perfect solution was to get me the next best thing, a stuff toy that soon became one of my most prized possessions.
The once rich orange of his fur has faded to a dull golden yellow, the charcoal of his stripes are now closer to brown and his right eye has a dog-shaped tooth mark through it. Yes, Rajah, my beloved jungle cat, is tired looking and due to the way his right eye sags it give him the expression of being highly skeptical, yet, he is beautiful. Even the gash in his side where white fluff peeks through makes him loveable and cuddly. How is it that a beat up, old raggedy stuffed tiger is worth more to me than all my other possessions? Because unlike my computer or my favorite shirt, Rajah is a part of me: he is the innocence of my childhood and the sweet memories of being young and carefree. Rajah is just as much a part of my identity as my name.
His green plastic eyes are strangely soulful and gentle, his head is bent downwards slightly as though begging to be pet and his whiskers are gone from me pulling on them and a certain canine from chewing on him. He smells of sleep and lavender laundry sheets, I’ll rub my nose into the fur of his neck and stroke his back almost as though he’s real and a sense of calm washes over me. Rajah is a boy, it might seem odd giving a stuffed animal, a mere toy a sex, but since the day he arrived into my life I knew he was a male. Perhaps this was from my desire to be Princess Jasmine and to have a pet that guarded me with fierce loyalty and because maleness is associated with being protective ( especially over femaleness): thus Rajah is male.
Rajah has spent years chasing away the nightmares and soothing the tears, he has been dragged through dirt and rain and stuffed haphazardly into washing machines and placed with loving care into my arms, he’s a true survivor of my rambunctious self and I’m lucky he’s ‘lived’ this long. He’s there for me at night and first thing in the morning and I feel no silliness for being so glad to see him after a brutal day or getting a burst of comfort during a sleepless night. Rajah is old and worn and falling apart, he’s a bridge to my younger self and he’s a true treasure, a real jewel to me, because despite the fact there’s no real value to him I’ve given him value and through that he’s priceless.
for those of you who don't get the "daemon" reference it's from His Dark Materials ( The Golden Compass Trilogy) and people in that world have their souls, the very essence of what/who they are, walking along side them in animal form. They refer to their souls as "daemons" and Rajah is mine. I've loved tigers before I even knew what they were, so there ya go.
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